I have recently applied and got hired for my dream job. Finally being able to help kids and be fully a nurse with adequate pay It felt like mixed of excitement and emotions waved through me. I was ecstatic!. Well, that was two years ago.. It took me so long to go back to this blogspot because for the first time in my life (Date: February 17, 2020) I felt like I needed the space. A space where no one would find me. For how many years I felt like I want to be passionate again, to renew feelings that TRULY would make me happy and one of which is blogging. I want to get into that warm path again where I would lounge at the comfort of my home and just simply write something. I knew I needed an escape from the hustles that is expected of me. As a human being, I grow tired and weary too. No matter how you love your job or the people you are with, there will be a time that you want a BREAK. You can not just eat a KITKAT and have a break from everything. You can't say NO to your own kids, you can not just quit a job right away and you can't say, "God, Can I have a pause for a bit?".
Remember that time when you are so overwhelmed and felt like you are being contained? But there are too many responsibilities that are at stake. Being in my 30's, I felt the burden that was passed on to me by my very own decisions. Indeed, they would always say "Iba talaga kapag may edad ka na." I could see Spiderman up there telling me " with great age comes with great responsibility". At this stage of life, there is no pause button. There will disappointments and people will shamed you for no apparent reason. You think that's unfair?, yes and no. It's called surviving. Welcome to the real world honey.
Why am I sharing this stuff with you? Am I complaining with this privileged life? May I answer YES and NO?. Yes, I am sharing my true feelings at this point in my life and I do feel ungrateful sometimes. I felt guilty affirming my negative feelings. But I know I needed to let it all out for my mental health. I am not perfect and I will never be ONE. NO, because I've always viewed myself as a positive person. I am not complaining, I am just sharing what I have been going through right now. Someone out there needs to know that we are all the same and that circumstances like this can happen to anyone. Maybe somebody needs this bit of "relatable content" to be able to grasp life and be strong. I know deep down I needed one. But sometimes, we immediately judge that person. Maybe it's just a matter of acceptance, the good and the bad side of you. And that, it is okay not to be okay. You have to be weak to feel strong. You need to be a lamb before becoming a lion. You need to be at the bottom to know your way up. You need to be poor to know the value of abundance. It doesn't matter where you are at your life now, someday it's all going to make sense. You needed this point because God has something in store for you. All theses things will soon pass and everything will be extra better.
I don't know if I would write like this in the near future but I am glad I wrote it. I would rather lose words than lose myself. To anyone reading this, you are brave, confident, a child of God and a fisherman in the most raging wave of sea. You are loved, never alone and will be better. You will braze the storm and glad that you have experienced all of this to reach your destination in life. I hope your day will be better because I am here.
xoxo,
Myra
